
Phone Sex can be a lot of fun, and it’s an easy way to spice up a long-distance relationship. But, like any sexual activity, it’s important to be aware of the risks and follow these tips for safe and pleasurable phone sex.
Start with gauging your partner’s interest by flirting or sending nudes over text, Michels suggests. Then, gently nudge them toward being more descriptive about their fantasies.
1. Get in the Mood
Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship and want to turn up the heat or you want to play sexy games with your crush, phone sex can be a lot of fun. But the key to making it work is having both parties on the same page and being willing to let it go to the next level.
Some experts suggest doing a bit of foreplay by texting sexy pictures or by getting your partner to read erotic literature aloud. You can even try using a sexy voice over the phone, which can help make you feel more intimate and seductive.
Phone sex is a great time to break out your “fantasy bank,” says deLune. You might talk about situations that turn you on (like sex in public, or sex in a library, or in the bathroom of a fancy restaurant). You can also role play over the phone by telling your partner where you like to be touched and what kinds of sensations you want to experience. You can even use sexy toys that are made specifically for long-distance couples to spice things up and increase the likelihood of orgasms over the phone.
2. Take Your Time
Just like in-person sex, phone sex can take its time and that’s okay. Give your partner a chance to get excited about what’s to come and don’t rush it.
Make sure you’re using a private space where no one else can hear you. This is important for both safety and arousal. You also want to keep your phone charged and have a set of headphones on hand so you can enjoy the immersive experience.
Jess suggests starting with dirty talk (calling your bits and pieces by their scientific names is just not very erotic). She recommends talking about all the things you want them to do to you—tickle, stroke, lick, push, pull, and more.
You can also try role playing or creating a fantasy together to activate your imaginations. And don’t be afraid to break out your favorite vibrator or toys for added pleasure. This can also be a great way to let them know you want them to orgasm! Just be sure to ask for consent before doing so.
3. Think About the Words and Phrases That Turn You On
Especially if you’re talking with someone new to phone sex, it’s good to be frank about what kind of vibe you’re hoping to have. That could mean a direct chat where you straight-up ask if they’re into it, or if you’re feeling more subtle, it can be as simple as giving them a flirty text saying that you want to try something new and seeing how they respond.
Once you’ve established that the two of you are comfortable with discussing things that might turn you on, think about the words and phrases you like to use during dirty talk. “Do you like when people call their bits and pieces by name? Are you turned on by hearing a deep, husky voice?”
Also consider what music turns you on and make sure you have it playing in the background. This can be a great way to set the mood and give you both something to look forward to during the phone sex session. Then, when the time comes to talk dirty, you’ll be ready to go.
4. Make It Personal
Phone sex isn’t just about saying a few dynamite dirty lines (although those are great, too). It’s also about painting your man a vivid picture and letting him dip into his “fantasy bank.”
For example, if he tells you he wants to lick your lips and taste your tongue or if he describes the feel of your naked body on his, suck him in. Describe how you want to touch, caress, and stroke him—the more detailed you can be, the more it will stimulate his and your imagination.
Of course, it’s always a good idea to get consent before proceeding with any sexually explicit conversation. But it’s not a bad idea to let your partner know that certain fantasies—public sex, say, or sex in the car—are off limits for him. That way he knows what to expect, and you can adjust your plans accordingly. But if he brings up something that turns you off, don’t shoot him down right away. Try to figure out what it is about that fantasy that doesn’t appeal to you, and see if you can find a compromise.
5. Don’t Shoot Them Down
Phone Sex is a great way to get intimate with your partner, and it can even be orgasmic. However, it’s important to remember that it is not a substitute for sex, and there should be no sexual pressure on either party. It is also important to know your boundaries and be comfortable expressing them.
It is helpful to pregaming your phone sex with a few erotic text messages, or even just some fun, playful ones. This will help you feel more confident and sexy on the call. You should also be sure to have a private place where you can have your phone sex and won’t be disturbed by any distractions. It can also be helpful to have some kind of visual stimulation, like watching a porn or sexy movie together on an app that allows you to share screens.
Jess deLune, a sexual health expert and founder of sex toy company Je Joue, says that phone sex is also a good time to dip into your “fantasy bank.” This includes describing situations that would turn you on if they were happening in real life, such as public sex or sex in a library.