Phone Sex is a hot thing for people who like mutual masturbation, those in long distance relationships, anyone who’s turned on by their date’s voice. It can be a fun way to play with power dynamics and elements of BDSM.
Dictating where, when, and how your partner can touch themselves is a very effective way to make things more interactive and introduce a dominance/submissive dynamic.
1. Be in the mood
Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or just trying out some virtual foreplay with your crush, phone sex can be an exciting and intimate experience. But it’s important to be in the mood for it before you pick up the receiver. That means creating the right atmosphere by dimming the lights or playing soft music in the background. It also means eliminating distractions so you can focus on the conversation.
It’s also important to communicate your boundaries and expectations before the phone sex session begins. This can include discussing what kinds of language or actions are off-limits and establishing a safe word or phrase in case either party becomes uncomfortable or wants to take a break.
Some people find that talking about their dirty fantasies over the phone turns them on even more than it does in person. This is because they don’t have to worry about interpreting body language or facial expressions. Plus, it can be a chance to explore fantasies that they would feel nervous about discussing in person, like role-playing or getting gagged.
2. Have fun with it
Phone Sex is a great way to let your fantasy run wild, even if you and your partner aren’t close enough to physically touch. You can also talk about sexual fantasies that you might not feel comfortable exploring in person, like role play or sexual stories starring both of you. Just make sure to keep the conversation consensual, especially if your partner has roommates or family members nearby.
Remember to speak slowly and seductively over the phone, as well. Cracking jokes or speaking really fast will kill the mood and turn your lover off. Plus, moans and whimpers sound sexier than words on the phone.
If you’re struggling to think of sexually arousing things to say during your phone call, try setting up a scenario for the two of you. It could be a romantic dinner, a work-related call, or something specific to your relationship. This will get you in the mindset to create a sexy story over the phone and can help ease your fears about running out of ideas. You could also try using video chat, which can add a whole new level of intimacy.
3. Be submissive
If you’re experimenting with power dynamics or elements of BDSM over the phone, it can be helpful to give your partner instructions during your session. This can be as simple as dictating how they can touch themselves or even play with edging by telling them when they are allowed to orgasm.
It’s also helpful to have a few dynamite “lines” up your sleeve, like describing sexual acts or scenarios that turn you on. This will help your partner visualize the scenario and get excited about what’s to come.
The Dommes on the phone sex line run the gamut of dominant women; most are pro-Dommes and lifestyle Mistresses, but some are just getting into the scene, or they are exploring bondage-related fantasies. The beauty of a phone call is that if you’re not having fun or it’s too much work, it’s just as easy to stop as it was to start. But remember that consent isn’t something you only give at the beginning of sex, it’s a continuous thing that you should offer throughout your experience.
4. Be verbose
Phone sex can be an opportunity to be extra verbose and describe things in a way that’s not possible in person. You can go into the details of your favourite sexual fantasy, for example, and describe what turns you on. You can also describe sensual situations like public sex or role play.
If you feel nervous about dirty talk, it’s okay to start off slow and then build up to more explicit conversation over time. It’s always a good idea to ask your partner how they want the conversation to proceed so that you can gauge their comfort level with this kind of intimacy.
If you’re both feeling horny, you can even describe masturbation with each other over the phone. Mutual masturbation is a great way to share an intimate moment together while getting a glorious release. And of course, it’s perfectly fine to engage in some foreplay with your phone sex, too! Just remember that it takes two to tango and don’t use foreplay as an excuse to be rude or mean.
5. Don’t be shy about the vocab
When it comes to phone sex, a little bit of awkwardness is totally fine—it’s just part of the experience. “The important thing is to be frank and transparent,” Lori Michels, LMFT, a sex therapist and certified relationship expert tells SELF. “That means letting your partner know what you’re about and making sure that you’re actually getting consent.” That might mean having a really direct conversation or it could mean sending flirty texts to make it clear that this is something you want to try out—then clearly asking if they are into it.
It’s also a good idea to start slow. If you’re new to this sort of sexual talk, it can be helpful to start with some soft moans or even some flirting to build up the sexy tension. Often, people who are more comfortable with sexting and phone sex are able to go a lot faster—but again, the point is to be frank and transparent about what you’re doing.